my friend started decorating for christmas
when i enter his living room it smells like cinnamon and pinewood and candles it also smells like rain (even though it doesn’t) it feels wet and cold (even though it isn’t) it feels cozy, it feels heavy warm when i enter i see muddy pathways i see wooden booths i see a small lake at night i see lights floating on it i see a campfire i taste berrywine it is a second of luck (like that one song i still avoid) my other friend moved, i went to say goodbye i drove by that junction (i was scared to death because the car suddenly moved) i drove by that bakery (i tried to get cake for your birthday) i drove by that train station (i picked you up the very first time) there are constructions, so i drive by your street (i want to stop but i never do) i got so many lucky seconds i am so so so busy lately (i still find time to miss you lately) i really thought this would be easier (it is so much harder i don’t want to make this harder but perhaps there is nothing easy) it rained the day you came (in winter, not spring, but there was magic anyways and light) now i don’t know what to say (there is too much) (maybe: and then, of course, she came) (maybe: i open at the close) (maybe: I’m sorry thank you) (maybe: you are loved)
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i just want to say,
that i love the way you laugh and smile and i’ve been wondering for a while if you’d let me see it every day. i love the way you dance and by every chance i love when you’re being funny, i love how you call me “honey”, i love how your cheeks flush in anger and i love our playful banter. i love you in that flanel shirt, i love how you’re never curt, i love when you kiss my cheek, you know, you’re so very sweet. everything you do, you do with grace, even making my heart race. you’re so beautiful, i wish you knew, how i’m dying to tell you, that all this teasing is flirting indeed and all the irony in my compliments is hidden admiration. for i’m like a little girl, pulling your pigtail in the street, because that’s the only way i know - putting on a show - how to get your attention. so this is to say: i love you so! even though you can never know how wonderful you are to me! Lightning struck me hearing thy melody
Thou charm lovely tones from pianos My heart exploding from looking at thee Never hath been a miracle so close Until thou slowly tore my heart apart My arms bleeding like my soul does inside Ne'er thought killing disease is Cupid's dart End holds splendour, I would give up this fight Oh friend's warm love hath been my saving grace Such radiant sun conquering darkness Lips turning into a smile on my face Greening hope I can finally confess So end after end I'm forgiving thee My affection doesn't know any fee I wish I hadn't wasted all that time
Every day watching flowers bloom Knowing deep down you would never be mine Foolishly waiting for splendour, not doom Oh how blinded I've been by hope and love I wanted to believe we had a chance That you wanted it too, just times were rough My starving belief was fed by our dance I have kept it alive through all these weeks Although you tried to protect me as well Mammoth torrents of tears still stain my cheeks 'Cause you didn't knoe how to clearly tell So you wanted to lay me down gently But that only worsened the pain for me For all the love I have got for you
For every single day I waited Still hoping, deep down, you would love me too For all the things we have yet debated The force which shatters my heart to pieces Your words sharp daggers of pain in my chest, For fals hope you conjured, dark increases Agony as strong as love at its best Why did you let me suffer for so long? You hid the truth under words, sweet and kind In the end my strength needed to be gone For you to finally make up your mind So by the time you have broken my heart You'd already taken my greatest part When will all the suffering come to end?
Your ghost so sweet, but so unreachable So reminicent of the time we spent About desire all the stars can tell The nightly sky shall be my meagre spare For the lovely sight of your eyes so mellow For the twinkle enchanting me so fair Sky's colours seeming nothing but shallow Nature's melody may caress my skin As mellifluos as your soft embrace But will never concern my heart akin And your voice will remain my saving grace So all eternities are worth the wait For stories we can conjunctly narrate You're my world's stars and moon,
Also the sun in the afternoon You're the dolphins in the sea And the hills surrounding me You're the desert's loving king For letting flowers bloom in spring You're the sky's starring knight For making all lost souls collide You are my tomorrow And you are my today I won't ever forget where my path once lay But one thing is true: I wouldn't ever want to live again in a world without you |
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October 2019
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